Wednesday, September 3, 2014

How to Hang a Simple Valance

How to Hang a Simple, One Rod Curtain Valance
1.  Measure window
2.  Note spiderwebs, dried bugs and small deceased animals on windowsill.  Clean window and sills
3.  Order valances
4.  Buy rod
5.  Return rod and exchange for right one
6.  Assemble needed tools
7.  Assemble yet more needed tools
8.  Remove furniture, pictures and lamps in the way of hanging the simple, one rod valance
9.  Dust furniture, toss all magazines dating to before the Nixon administration
10.  Vacuum carpets.  Note stains
11.  Pretreat stains.  Shampoo carpets
12.  Vacuum carpets again
13.  Assemble more tools
14.  Install rod holders
15.  Insert rod thru valances
16.  Order 2 more matching valances because you can't actually measure a window correctly
17.  Reassemble room.  Vacuum carpets yet again
18.  Prepare to repeat in library room when those curtains arrive

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